Judgements

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After reading learner moms post on judgements http://learnermom.com/2011/11/23/the-judgements-of-the-uninitiated/ I’ve been thinking a lot about judgements I’ve made in the past. In my post 101 things you didn’t know about me https://ournextbigadventure.wordpress.com/2011/10/27/101-things-you-didnt-know-about-me/ I said that I try very hard not to judge people. This is true but only now do I realize that I have always judged other moms. It’s so stupid to think about it when you’re on the other side. How can anyone judge a mom if you don’t have a baby yourself? You never know how you are going to handle things. There are two things that do make me judge though. Maybe I’m wrong but I don’t think so. Firstly I can’t get over seeing a pregnant women or a mom holding a baby, smoke. If you want to smoke that your choice but your baby has the right to choose too! So yes, I’m sorry but if I see that I will judge you. Kids don’t belong in smokey cars or smelling of cigarette smoke. Now that I’m a mom my opinion on this is stronger than ever. How can you look at this pure untainted little being and blow smoke in its face??? Secondly I WILL judge you if you let your kids stand on the front seat in the car. Or sit on your lap while driving. To be honest, I’ll judge you if they’re not strapped in too. There are millions of studies that show all the facts as to why it is crucial that your baby sits in a car seat and your child is strapped in. This is the most precious thing you will ever have EVER! Surely the least you can do is make sure she travels safely. The excuses like ‘she won’t sit still’ or ‘he cries in his car seat’ are weak. Sorry, but get over it. He’ll cry a hell of a lot more when his head smashes through the window. When I was in hospital having Lily friends of ours were in a car accident with their two week old baby. Their car was a write off but all of them were ok. The baby was in a rear facing car seat in the back. She was in NICU for 10 days because she had a head injury, due to a piece of the car door hitting her head. She’s now a perfectly fine happy bouncing baby. If she hadn’t been in a car seat she would have died. It can happen in seconds and is so not worth taking a chance. Lily will sit in a car seat until she’s 4 and then I’ll assess what to do. You can judge me for being paranoid, that’s ok, I don’t mind!

Before I had a baby I was one of those people that said
“I’ll breastfeed for a year, because its so good for the baby”
“I won’t let my baby sleep in bed with me, because it forms bad habits”
“I’ll never let my baby cry”
“I won’t put on anymore weight then absolutely necessary in my pregnancy”

Sigh

The stupidity of the uninformed. The fact is that breastfeeding is hard work. Its 100% worth it, but that doesn’t make it easy. Its not a natural thing, it has to be worked at and learnt. There is no way I will last a year, six months seems like a long time for me now. I have to motivate myself every time I want to give up. The bond I have with my baby is amazing though and breastfeeding really is all about bonding. Lily is also growing so fast and is a happy chubby baby, which is just how I want it! My point is, I’ll never judge a mom for not breastfeeding again. Its very difficult. Having said that, new moms or to-be-moms, persevere!!! It is so worth it when you see the results in your glowing baby.
Co-sleeping is another thing I said I wouldn’t do. But it makes life oh so much easier! We all sleep better and I just love falling asleep with lilys fingers entwined in mine. She’s not going to be sleeping in my bed when she’s 18, so to be honest I don’t see a big problem. She sleeps in her camp cot until 2 or 3 when she wakes up fussing and comes and snuggles with me.
There is nothing worse than a crying baby. Except a sleep deprived mom with puke in her hair who hasn’t showered in who knows how long because baby won’t let you put her down. So I’m guilty of letting Lily cry once or twice while I jump in the shower (fastest shower in history let me tell you.) I’m feeling guilty just writing this because I can feel the judgements! So stupid. Babies cry, and if she’s fed, clean, warm and safe she’s just crying because she wants you to hold her. Which I do more often then not. But after a while, you’ve got to just take that shower.
HA finally the big issue of pregnancy weight gain. Did I say big? I meant huge. No I mean enormous, gigantic, humungous, GINORMOUS! Please Shannon, let’s get real here. I’ve never been skinny or even slim. I don’t know who I was kidding when I said I would only gain a few kgs. I was totally and utterly depressed by it from about 10 weeks when my clothes started to get tight. Only at about 32 weeks did I decide to just get over the pity party and deal with it. Mind you none of this stopped me from eating. Nopes. At the beginning I craved cheesenacks, then it was iceberg lettuce and chocolate super Ms. Most of all it was oranges and popcorn and sprite. And I just grew and grew and grew. I’ve still got a few kgs to lose before I’m back to my before baby size, and it really sucks.
So, the point of this post. Let’s stop judging everyone, instead let’s offer support and love and accept that everyone is fighting their own battle. However they manage to survive it is just fine.

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About ournextbigadventure

After a few years of travelling around and itchy feet, my husband and I have embarked on our greatest adventure yet...parenthood! We have been blessed with a beautiful little girl named Lily Sage. Now everyday is filled not with questions of "where to next?" but with baby smiles, hiccups and milky breaths.

5 responses »

  1. Mothers are each others worst enemies. For some reason instead of supporting and guiding one another we choose rather, too often, to judge.

    Baby weight lasts about as long as the kids remain in the house ;-/

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