Everyone always says ‘trust your gut’, but my question has always been ‘how do I know if its right?’ I am a terrible decision make, I umm and ahhh over everything. I also second guess myself constantly. “Did you turn your hair straightner off Shaz? Yes – I did. Are you sure? Ummm. Best go check” same thing with, “did you lock your car/close the gate/turn the kitchen light off” I KNOW I did it, but don’t trust myself so check again. So when everyone told me that, as a mother, I’d know if something wasn’t right, I wasn’t sure it would apply to me. When Lily was born I promised myself that no matter what, I’d trust my gut. If that means I check on her every 10 mins because I ‘feel’ its needed, so be it. The one time this happened, where I checked on her all the time because I felt I had to, she was getting eaten by mozzies and was covered in bites. I ALWAYS listen to my gut. This usually means that I walk into the room as she’s waking up, or catch her as she’s about to fall. The one time I didn’t listen to the voice in my head (heart?) She fell off the bed, because I thought ‘oh I’m sure she’s fine I just want to listen to the punch line on Modern Family’.
This morning I woke up and thought somethings wrong. Lily was sleeping on a mattress on the floor next to our bed. She throws herself around in her cot and hurts herself. She’s usually in bed with us, but at 2am I put her on her mattress because she was so restless.
I sprang up and put my hand on her back, she was lying on her tummy at the top of the mattress.
She was ice cold and dead still.
I screamed and shook her and she was like a rag doll. Shaun jumped up and put on the light and she opened her eyes and looked around shocked. No crying. No noise. Just looked around and started coughing. She then put her head on my chest and lay quietly. We were both in an absolute panic trying to decide what to do. We put her in bed with us, I put her on my chest and covered us both and when she started rooting (is it still called that if they’re not newborn? Well you know what I mean anyway) I fed her. I felt much better when she latched well and drank and went back to sleep.
I can honestly say it was the worst moment of my life. I totally freaked out and obviously didn’t sleep again! The thing is, she is such a light sleeper. I poke her constantly because I’m paranoid and she always moves. If I put my hand on her back she wriggles. There is no way she will normally sleep through a crazy person screaming and shaking her. I’m telling myself that it was an abnormally deep sleep, and that I’m over reacting, but you see, my gut has never been wrong before and for me to have such a strong reaction- before I had even touched her, tells me that all was not well.
She woke up at 7am as usual and was as happy as always ate and drank and played all day with absolutely no problems. She is perfectly ok.
Here’s my question. The ONLY this I did differently yesterday was use that Ashton and Parsons teething powder before bed. Could it have caused this? Could it be that it worked well and so she was actually sleeping well for a change? Or could it have put her into TO deep of a sleep? Could it have lowered her body temperature? I don’t know. But I will be throwing it away that’s for sure!!!
The moral of the story is, trust your gut. Its never wrong and your babies will thank you.