Self Talk

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I’m a great believer in a good pep talk. I often say ‘I need to give myself a talking to, to pull myself right’ it sounds crazy, I know don’t worry. But it works wonders. I used to do it when I had one to many, I’d sit in the bathroom and demand that I start feeling normal again, and stop being idiotic and drunk. It usually worked for a few minutes to. Until I forgot and started acting idiotic again. Now I do it when Lily hasn’t slept for 3 days, and is demanding to be held all the time and I’m about to lose it. I give myself a stern talking to and remind myself that she’s not awake on purpose, she’s not trying to annoy me, and is obviously going through something so needs me a bit more than usual. This works pretty well, I usually have to do it every few weeks but once I pull myself right, I cope much better.

Lately I’ve had to self motivate myself about starting work. Today I caught myself mumbling while grocery shopping. Yup I know, its the madness setting in. I have to constantly reassure myself that Lily will be fine, millions of moms do it, it is what I want, it will be the best for us as a family in the long run. I’ve NEVER wanted to stay at home with her forever, I always said a year tops. And I still feel like that, I WANT to work. I want to get some sense of self back, have my own money and use my brain. Staying at home with Lily is amazing, and I’m so blessed to have been able to stay for so long, but I do feel like its time now for me to start learning again. That’s the head talking, the logical rational side. And my heart is nodding its head but my heart is also taking a plunge down into my stomach whenever I think about leaving my sweet baby girl. Then the self talk starts again to stop the tears.
And this is how I end up mumbling to myself in Checkers, much to the amusement of fellow shoppers. Rather that then a weeping mess!

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About ournextbigadventure

After a few years of travelling around and itchy feet, my husband and I have embarked on our greatest adventure yet...parenthood! We have been blessed with a beautiful little girl named Lily Sage. Now everyday is filled not with questions of "where to next?" but with baby smiles, hiccups and milky breaths.

2 responses »

  1. Hang in there Shannon! I felt the same way as you when I went back to work. I knew it was what I wanted to do, I was so ready for it, I had missed that part of me so very much, but it still didn’t make leaving Ava easier.
    But you’ll find your new routine and probably land up loving your new life as a working mom!
    I can’t imagine my life any other way now but the key is having a great support structure.
    All the best!

  2. Leaving your baby is definitely up there on the stress level scale! X was 10 months when I went back to work half day. Now with M I won’t be doing that so I don’t have that stress of finding a suitable day care, etc.

    Soon you can stop giving yourself the talk. You will be comfortable if you just follow your head and your heart! Knowing that you do everything in your power to do and be the best for Lily!

    Take care of yourself too!

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