Bullies

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I remember watching a tv show with Shaun, when we were in the UK, on bullies. He said ‘what the hell, that girl is pretty, she wasn’t bullied!’. I turned to him and said, ‘and me? I’m pretty, and I was’.
I was never bullied in the sense the girls on tv was, I wasn’t beaten up, or driven to hurt myself. It was really just a constant nagging in my mind. It was when I was in Primary school. It was a certain group or older girls (they’re always older, always in a group- aren’t they?) Who would taunt me whenever they had an opportunity. You see, I was a goody two shoes. I wanted people to like me so I was good. I didn’t break rules, I didn’t push boundaries. I liked being good. I liked people liking me. So, naturally, they hated me. I avoided going near them, changed my route if I saw them and eventually they left school and all was well. When I think back to it, I don’t remember their names, their taunts or even how long it went on for. I’m very very lucky! I know that it scars some forever. I was once told by a boy who, for some reason was trying to hurt ‘you’re so fat, I bet you weigh…’ I can’t remember the number exactly but it was spot on. I was devastated. Not to long after that I got a similar comment from a very good friend and I remember both clearly. They have always stuck with me.

My point is, I hope my dear Lily never has to deal with that. I’ll bring her up to be kind, good and gentle and I hope I don’t open her up to be bullied by those who aren’t. My mom and dad helped me a lot in those years, they told me that I can’t expect everyone to like me, and its a very good lesson to learn! But I WANT everyone to like Lily, why wouldn’t they? She’s perfect!

I’ve mentioned in a previous post, the worst thing my child could be is a bully. To me this encompasses a racist, sexist or any other ist. Ill work my hardest at ensuring that she’s not.

Were you bullied? Has your child been? How did you handle it?

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About ournextbigadventure

After a few years of travelling around and itchy feet, my husband and I have embarked on our greatest adventure yet...parenthood! We have been blessed with a beautiful little girl named Lily Sage. Now everyday is filled not with questions of "where to next?" but with baby smiles, hiccups and milky breaths.

8 responses »

  1. I was never bullied but there was a time at high school where I could have been called a bully. I never realised how bad we were until I met one of the girls at Varsity and we spoke about it at length!

    Kiara was bullied and there is a little girl in their grade who is horrid but Kiara and her little bff have learnt to deal with it but there are a few of us who keep an eye on things!!

  2. My mom used to carry me past a mirror on the passage wall every night on the way to my bedroom. We would stop at look at ourselves. She would say “Does mommy love you because you have lovely big brown eyes?” and i would answer “No!” She would carry on “Does mommy love you because you have beautiful long hair?” and so on! Eventually she would say “So why does momma love you?” to which I would reply “just because i’m me!!!” The most important thing we can do for our kids is love them, and vocalise this love! And if we don’t boost their egos and self esteem, who will?-your best friend is too busy fussing over her baba,your sister in law thinks her little Johnny is the best and the school teacher sees hundreds of kids a day. Our kids need to know they are number one in our lives!

  3. Hmm, chubby, red-head, sickly wearing thick black glasses. That was me.In Std 4 I was bullied every day of my life by a guy called Michael Miller. He was a big fat guy who hung out with another big fat guy who was known as Prowzer. They would wait until my ma had dropped me at the school gates at Pelham in PMB and it would start. I was punched and pinched really hard. They broke my glasses a few times. At break time I would scan the schoolyard to see where they were, some times I could avoid them, most time not. I would never tell my mother how my glasses broke or why my shirt was so dirty. Dunno why I never told her. Every day was a nightmare. Anyways we moved to Estcourt and Miller and co were out of my life…until years later. I was at the royal show on a pass from my military service, which was hectic. I was smoking a joint at the cattle enclosures with a mate of mine. And there he stood. Mike Miller, he had shrunk and was a flabby out of shape non descript a hole. I walked up to him. Asked if he was Mike Miller, he said yes, I shook his hand and said my name was Phillip Lennon and we were at school together at Pelham. I turned around and I walked away. I could have killed him, but decided to let life sort him out.

    • Wow Phil, handled like a true gentleman! I know you and dad had it bad, but you have both come out of it stronger than the bullies! You have families who love you, jobs you love and fabulous lives. And they have nothing. Well done!

  4. I used to think that bullying involved only physical and vocal abuse, forgetting that having to avoid people or situations, or walking a specific route to school, work, colledge or even just to buy bread at the shops also are forms of bullying. I was taught -as a young reblious semigoth demirocker underground reclusive subgroup hipster- that the ego is something that we shouldn’t be proud of, that people who are proud of themselves are Jocks or Vanity queens. How Absurd! The ego is the seat of the universe, and this body we live in is our body for life! Children need encouragement, on every level, to stay healthy and take pride in themselves, to love themselves, and to know that nobody can tell you who you should be – only you can figure that out. Everyone is born with freedom of movement and i hope that more and more kids will be able to share schoolyards peacefully in the future, without fear of getting hit with a stone in the head, cricket ball in the face or being the centre of some Joke. Kids (and grown ups) need to be able to stand proud without compromising their values – and if Lily is ever Bullied she should learn Kung Fu 🙂 not to be a bully, but to be the firmly grounded angel that she was born to be! much love shaz

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