Shew. Who would have thought one innocent article would have such an impact. When I set out to write an article on attachment parenting for parent24 all I thought was, 1. how cool will it be to see my name in print and 2. I hope I can convince people that AP isn’t weird. That’s all. And yes to be honest in the back on my mind I may have thought, it would be cool if people thought that what I have to say is a good idea, a way forward and a fun way to raise their kids. That said, I didn’t set out to tell people how to raise their kids or what not to do. I just wanted to show people how AP is not this ‘extreme’ thing. Everyone does it to some extent, as Jen so rightly pointed out. My BMFF (best mom friend forever) does not breastfeed or co sleep, but she holds so many of the same ideas as me that I immediately think of her as an ‘attachment parent’. Its a silly label that no one can fit into 100%. The term that seemed to offend the most was ‘parenting gently’. Never did I imagine that it would be taken as badly but it was. I am against smacking and harsh discipline. There. I said it. I don’t like it when parents exert their will on their kids. I feel if you treat your child with respect from the beginning you will not need to use violence as a form of discipline. That said, when Lily bit me a week ago I wanted to smack her, badly. It was so sore and I was so angry I had to step away. Shaun has also smacked her hand before because she has messed with the DSTV decoder so many times that it is now totally busted. The fact is, it doesn’t work. All it shows is that violence is a way to solve problems. I can already feel the waves of indignation and disapproval flowing towards me. Seriously, I don’t care if you smack your kids, ok I lie, I do. But does my opinion matter? No, not one tiny bit.

I am all for debate, please please debate and tell me why you don’t agree with co sleeping, or my approach to discipline, but don’t accuse me of judgment. I am not judging you, I will never judge you. I have stated before that I WILL judge parents who don’t strap their kids in, mothers who smoke when pregnant and racists. That’s all. Debate is good, supportive debate. Not debate that is so nasty it leaves you feeling beaten up.

On the other hand, I am THRILLED with the support I got and I sincerely hope that Parent24 will let me write for them again, despite the resultant nastiness.

And this is the last that will be said about it, the following blog posts will be full of sillyness and fun, just like we like it!

Please go and have a look at my article if you havent already, and comment if you like it, or if you don’t!


About ournextbigadventure

After a few years of travelling around and itchy feet, my husband and I have embarked on our greatest adventure yet...parenthood! We have been blessed with a beautiful little girl named Lily Sage. Now everyday is filled not with questions of "where to next?" but with baby smiles, hiccups and milky breaths.

5 responses »

  1. I loved your article 🙂 When I wrote for Parent24 I was often accused of all sorts of things (my favourite being that I was some kind of antichrist) but eventually developed a thick skin. The crazies and the stupids are all around us and they have the loudest voices. It’s frustrating, but so cool that a nice voice like yours is being heard

    • I’m with Tracy (hello Tracy!) I’ve been writing online since C was a baby. In that time, I’ve had my life threatened, been called a billion names and – my favourite – been told I’m a “bitch who mistreats men”. I’ve also been accused of being in a lesbian relationship with my then flatmate (which is HILARIOUS to us, still, every day!), and that I bring disrepute to anyone I work with. I’ve also been told that I should be ashamed of myself and that I have no right to be a mother. I also enjoyed the lovely experience I told you about Shan, and frankly…bugger the trolls.

      Being honest about your life is difficult. But by doing it you open up to criticism. I didn’t see anything wrong with your article but other people may have and that’s their issues – not yours.

      Um. Ja. XX

  2. I loved your article even though I don’t see myself as an attachment parent and I wasn’t offended by your article. Actually the day it went live, I actually starting gentle sleep training and even with that I wasn’t left feeling judged. Love your work and think you an amazing mother xxx

  3. babes I really didn’t think your article judgy – but like ALL writing it will leave people feeling judged – that is their issue and not yours. I am sorry you felt attacked and I agree a thick skin needs to be cultivated in all and every writer. I honestly don’t think Sharon attacked you but I do feel the attack on her afterwards (for having feelings!) was pretty gross (everyone seemed to conveniently forget that the poor woman had just lost a son and was perhaps not in the best headspace). I also don’t think her blog about AP was aimed at you – but rather at the concept of AP (which is why I tweeted our article on it – to give an objective look at what it was instead of a personal one which is where you were coming from) which you are right, is silly and just shouldn’t be labelled because we all do it. We can’t control the emotions that our writing or our point of view evokes in another person – and it evoked feelings of judgement in Sharon. And that is a good thing in my opinion because it is an opportunity for all of us to learn about another point of view. In Sharon’s defense she took some pretty harsh criticism on her blog about her irrational viewpoint of feeling judged and she took it on the chin and learnt something from it. YOUR article did that, it also made other people think and talk – this as a writer is brilliant. I am just sad that people got hurt in the process because it was unnecessary. xx

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