I have made it perfectly clear how I feel about this subject, so I don’t think I really need to elaborate on it, but I am going to anyway.
Yes I am against smacking of children. Not in the same way that I am against sleep training, where I believe if circumstances really call for it, and you are at your wits end, might be worth a go (I know that saying this goes against all that I stand for, but, I am flexible and rational. And nothing is ever set in stone. I believe every situation is different. Sleep training would not work on my child, but I refuse to make a sweeping statement). With smacking however, I can make a sweeping statement and say that I am against it and would not smack my kids.
The reason I wanted to write this is mainly focused on the following comment I saw on Parent24
Screw your law. As hy of sy stout is dan brand hulle gat. Since we stopped a good hiding at school the youth have gone off the rails. A good hiding kept me in line and today there is nothing wrong with me
Really? You really this THIS generation is doing so well? The generation that got smacks and hidings from their parents are the generation that has landed us up in this mess of a world we live in! We live with violence every single day, we hear about rapes, murders, molestation’s, kidnappings, hijacking and the list goes on, every single day. Do you think that the people who committed those crimes would not have committed them if they had been given a good hiding as a child? They probably did get hidings! Who is to say that is exactly what caused them to be violent in the first place? Kim said it really well in fact:
well, using the rod didn’t exactly produce model citizens did it? Or were our jails completely empty and nobody got traffic fines and ponzi schemes and murder didn’t exist before corporal punishment was banned?
It has worked for centuries? Jails just been built recently then? scams never existed? Everyone was just perfect? Research seems to show that many of the problems smacking would supposedly solve are caused by smacking – children learn what they live, and smacking means they’re living in a violent household that teaches them that might is right.
Exactly. Surely things can only get better?
I know everyone can lose their temper and smack their child at times, I understand. I really do, but here is the crux of it. you would not hit your partner for coming home drunk and acting silly, you would not hit your partner for not loading the dishwasher, you would not hit your partner for not making his/her bed, or not brushing his/ teeth, or for sulking, or slamming a door, or raising his/her voice. You would not hit your partner if he or she was rude to you, or was “showing off”. In fact, there is NEVER an instance where you would hit your partner. So why oh why would it be ok to smack your child? The person who has been loaned to you, who you have been tasked with teaching, who learns from example. Who doesn’t know anything but that which you teach him/her. The problem is that people see their children as THEIRS. This is not so. Your children are mini humans, created by you but not owned by you. They have minds, thought and feelings, just as you do. How would you feel if you were forced to wear a pair of uncomfortable shoes that you hated, that you really really did not want to wear? You would be pretty pissed off if no one would listen to you, and still made you wear them, wrestling you into them. In fact, you may start to cry and you might get angry and lose your cool completely and shriek and scream a bit. Who wouldn’t? It must be awful having your will taken away from you. This happens to children all the time. Parents complain that their kids won’t wear something they have bought for them, or won’t eat the meal that has been cooked for them, or won’t sit still and quietly in a restaurant. Put yourselves in their shoes. My mom still talks about being forced to eat a dinner she hated, she had to sit at the table for hours, crying, because she didn’t want to eat it. 45 years or so on, and she still remembers it.
I have gotten totally off topic, but that fact remains. Your children are humans, there for you to care for, not force your will on. I am not judging, I actually had this conversation a years ago with a dear friend who had children when I didn’t. At the time, I said that I thought it was ok to smack, as long as it was not out of anger and purely used as a tool to discipline. Her and I had long discussions about it, even ploughing through my psychology text books to see if they said anything (this was before google was the go-to source of information). As far as I know she never used the information, and merely used it as a threat, which was effective enough. but it isn’t really any of my business anyway. It’s not like I chat to my friends and ask, do you smack your kids? Jut as I don’t ask, do you co sleep, where do you have sex if you do and when are you going to wean your baby. Not my style…
Since that chat, I have since changed my mind (as I have with a lot of things). Seeing things as a parent as as a non parent are two very different things. I wont smack my kids, and I am ok with the law being passed. You are not legally allowed to hit anyone, not even animals, so why should hitting your children be ok?